The McAir Warranty Card

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Stanly E. Ward - All rights reserved
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The following was a page put on the McDonnell Douglas (now part of Boeing) internet home page by a worker with a sense of humor. The company took exception to it, however...


Important! Important!  Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Purchaser

Mr.__ Mrs.__ Comrade__
Miss__ Lt.__ Gen.__
Ms.__ Other__ Classified__

First name__________ Initial__________ Last Name__________
Password__________ Code name__________

Latitude__________ Longitude__________ Altitude__________

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

F4 Phantom__ F15 Eagle__ F18 Hornet__
A12 Warthog__ Classified__

3. Date of purchase:

Month__________ Day__________ Year__________

4. Serial Number:


5. Please check where this product was purchased:

Mail Order__ Received as Gift/Aid Package__
Catalog Showroom__ Government Surplus__
Discount Store__ Classified__
Sleazy Arms Broker__  __

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

Heard loud noise, looked up__ Political lobbying by mfgr.__
Espionage__ Was attacked by one__
Recommended by friend/ally__ Classified__

7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

Style/Appearance__ Advanced Weapons Systems__
Recommended by salesperson__ McDonnell Douglas Reputation__
Comfort/Convenience__ Back Room Politics__
Speed/Maneuverability__ Kickback/Bribe__
Price/Value__ Opposed one in combat__

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

North America__ Middle East__
Central/South America__ Misc. Third-World Countries__
Europe__ Aircraft Carrier__
Africa__ Classified__
Asia/Far East__

9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend to purchase in the near future:

Product Own Intend to purchase
Color TV __ __
VCR __ __
CD Player __ __
ICBM __ __
Killer Satellite __ __
Air-to-Air Missiles __ __
Space Shuttle __ __
Home Computer __ __
Nuclear Weapon __ __

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? Check all that apply:

Communist/Socialist__ Democratic__
Terrorist__ Dictatorship__
Crazed (Islamic)__ Corrupt (Latin American)__
Crazed (Other)__ Corrupt (Other)__
Neutral__ Primitive/Tribal__

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

Cash__ Suitcases of Cocaine__
Personal Check__ Oil Revenues__
Major Credit Card__ Deficit Spending__
Traveler's Check__ Ransom Money__

12. Please tell us about your primary occupation:

Occupation You Your spouse
Homemaker __ __
Sales/Marketing __ __
Revolutionary __ __
Clerical __ __
Mercenary __ __
Tyrant __ __
Middle Management __ __
Eccentric Billionaire __ __
Defense Minister/General __ __
Student __ __
Retired __ __

13. To help us understand our Customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis (check all that apply):

Activity/Interest You Your spouse
Golf __ __
Boating/Sailing __ __
Sabotage __ __
Running/Jogging __ __
Propaganda/ Disinformation __ __
Destabilizing/Overthrow __ __
Default on Loans __ __
Gardening __ __
Crafts __ __
Black Market/Smuggling __ __
Watching Sports on TV __ __
Wines __ __
Interrogation/Torture __ __
Household Pets __ __
Crushing Rebellions __ __
Recon/Espionage __ __
Fashion Clothing __ __
Border Disputes __ __
Mutually Assured Destruction __ __

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
P.O. Box 800
St. Louis, MO